


Yea, it's only life

by shayzgirl



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) RPF
Genre: Depression, M/M, Suicidal Past, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-01
Updated: 2012-05-01
Packaged: 2017-11-04 16:44:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/395995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shayzgirl/pseuds/shayzgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wondered what had happened to make the man look the way he did, if he had anyone to talk to, if he needed someone to talk to. James wanted to be that someone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yea, it's only life

The telescope had been a gift from his sister when he was younger. He hadn't used it a lot, a few camping trips when they were little but eventually it had ended up in a box in storage until he'd moved to London. They found it while sorting through boxes. James had set it up on the balcony of his apartment, using it to try to stargaze within the city. It hadn't worked but Joy had appreciated the thought. It had stayed there on the balcony months later, when on a whim James looked in it, wherever it had currently been pointed.

Instead of stars or the city, he saw a man. Tall, dark hair and he looked sad. He was leaning against his own balcony, a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other. James wanted to know his story, wanted to know why he was on his balcony, what had driven him to drink and smoke at that particular moment. The thought occurred to him that he was essentially spying on a stranger, but he couldn't seem to stop looking at him. The man downed the rest of his drink and tossed the glass angrily towards the street below. He finished his cigarette before disappearing into his apartment. James watched the entire time, even after the door had shut and the blinds had closed, wanting just one more glimpse. When he realised he wouldn't get it, he stopped looking and against his better judgment he left the telescope, disappearing inside his own apartment.

A few nights later, James ended up out on the balcony again. He eyed the telescope while lighting a cigarette. He knew it would be wrong to look, was creepy and all sorts of immoral, but he hadn't be able to stop thinking about the tall stranger. He wondered if he was okay, less sad than he'd seemed that night, but he'd resisted the urge to look. Had even almost taken the telescope inside but temptation had been too great so he'd left it. That temptation was there again, to look, just to see if maybe the tall stranger was on his balcony with a smile instead of a frown. 

He finished his cigarette, flicking it over the side of the balcony while eying the telescope.

‘One last look wouldn't hurt?’ he thought, stepping over to it.

He didn't touch it, only looked into it like he'd done the time before and smiled when the same balcony came into view. The tall stranger was there again, but he still wasn't smiling. He looked worse than before, suit rumbled and bags under his eyes. The sight caused James to shiver and cross his arms over his chest. He wondered what had happened to make the man look the way he did, if he had anyone to talk to, if he needed someone to talk to. James wanted to be that someone. He wanted to know the man's name, his life story, what plagued him so that he ended up out on his balcony looking like he was ready to jump from it, and he wanted to be the person to stop him from doing that.

James stood back from the telescope, brushing a tear from his eye and realising just how creepy he was acting. He didn't know that man, wouldn't ever know him, and it was highly creepy of him to keep spying on him.

"Enough now. Enough," James whispered, walked away from the telescope and back into his apartment.

Days went by and James avoided his own balcony, knowing he should have brought in the telescope that night but too afraid to go near it again. He'd started thinking of inviting Joy over for dinner one night and somehow convincing her to bring it in for him, but he knew his sister too well and she knew him, there'd be questions that James wouldn't want or know how to answer. He'd leave it for another few days and then force himself to bring it in. Until then, he'd leave it be and pretend it wasn't there, that he wasn't still curious.

His attempts to avoid his telescope meant he was leaving his apartment building and going for a walk to have his evening cigarette. He bundled into his jacket, making sure his cigarettes and lighter were tucked into his pocket. He exited the building, taking a left and heading two blocks away towards this park by his favourite café. He'd only barely pulled out a cigarette and had ducked his head against the wind to light it when he bumped into someone.

"Sorry, so sorry, I wasn't…" he said, looking up as he stammered out his apology.

Standing before him was the tall stranger still plagued by a frown.

"My fault. I was in my head," the man replied.

"I should have been paying attention myself. Sorry again."

"It's fine."

James nodded as the man started to walk away.

"Are you okay?" he asked, turning to look at him again.

The man stopped and slowly turned to face him, confusion joining the frown.

"It's just, I'd hate the think I caused that frown just by bumping into you and if there's anything I can do to make up for it, I gladly will," James said, "And if I'm not the cause of it, then I'd still like to offer to do something for you because a man as handsome as you shouldn't look so sad."

The man looked at him a moment and James prayed he wasn't thinking anything terrible like calling the cops or punching him.

"Coffee?" the man asked.

"Sure," James nodded.

The man nodded and started walking again. James moved quickly to keep step with him, going wherever he was heading.

"I'm James, by the way," he said.

"Michael."

"Nice to meet you, Michael."

Michael glanced at him and James thought he caught maybe a tiny hint of a smile at the corner. He was determined to see a real smile, to make Michael smile because he'd meant what he said even if he was mentally kicking himself a bit for saying it before even learning his name. They soon reached a small café, one James had passed on his various walks. Michael held the door open for him and warm air embraced James as he entered the café, Michael right behind him.

"I'll buy, it really was my fault," Michael said, as they walked over to the counter.

"This is supposed to be my treat," James protested.

Michael looked at him again, same slightly confused stare as before and nodded in submission. James smiled, pulling out his wallet. They ordered their drinks and sat at one of the little tables.

"It's not because of you," Michael said, fiddling with his cup and not looking at James.

James took a sip of his coffee, waiting; an open offer to listen if Michael wanted to say more.

"It's been a rough few weeks."

James nodded, watching Michael who had yet to touch his coffee beyond fiddling with the cup. Up close, the bags under his eyes were darker and he looked utterly exhausted in the way he sat and moved. James wanted to reach out, to sooth away that weariness but he kept his hands on his own cup. Michael looked at him, grey-green eyes looking so lonely and empty.

"I'm sorry. We just met and I shouldn't be dropping my life problems on you. Thank you for the coffee."

"Don't be sorry. I offered and I don't mind, I promise. I'm a really good listener."

Michael nodded, finally taking a drink of his coffee.

"I lost my job a few days ago. I knew it was coming and couldn't stop it."

Michael took another drink and James wrapped his hands around his cup, wanting so badly to reach out and touch Michael, to reassure and comfort him.

"Everything else is… they're dominoes, falling one after another, ya know?"

"Yeah."

James nodded, gripping his cup tighter. Michael finished the rest of his cup, staring at the table.

"Anything I can do for you? Besides the coffee and the listening ear?"

James needed to asked because he couldn't let Michael go, not when he sounded so lost and broken.

"No."

James took a drink of his coffee, trying to hide his own frown behind his cup. Michael looked at his watched, sighing and running a hand over his face.

"I should go. Thank you, for the coffee and for listening. You're a good person, James. That's… rare to find."

"You're welcome. I— uh, meant what I said before, Michael, and if you ever need anything, even just someone to listen, please call me."

James quickly wrote his number down on a napkin and handed it to Michael.

"Please."

Michael took the napkin from him, nodding and tucking it into his pocket. They both stood and after throwing away their cups, headed back out into the chill evening air.

"I mean it. Call me please."

"I will."

James offered a small smile, trying not to look too hopeful at Michael's words. Michael's mouth twitched in a small smile, before he turned and walked away. James watched him for a few minutes and headed back to his own apartment.

A few nights later, worry clawed at James. He'd hoped that Michael would call, would want to see him again as much as he wanted to see Michael again. He'd barely made Michael smile that evening and he'd taken that tiny victory, but it wasn't enough. He'd tried so hard not to use his telescope. Now that he knew Michael, at least a little bit, it felt more wrong to spy like that. But he was worried and he needed to know Michael was okay.

‘I'm sorry.’

He took a deep breath and walked over to the telescope, looking into it and reminding himself to keep breathing as Michael's balcony came into focus. He breathed out a sigh of relief when he saw Michael standing out on the balcony, but it was short lived when he realised that Michael looked worse. As he looked at Michael, wishing he was on that other balcony, he saw Michael breakdown. The sight of Michael like that, so obviously devastated threatened to break James' heart.

"Oh, Michael."

He wished with every fibre of his being to be on that balcony instead of his, to be able to hold Michael and protect him. The sound of his phone ringing almost caused him to knock the telescope away.

"Hello?" he answered his voice and hand shaking.

"James?" answered Michael's quiet voice.

"Michael."

"I… you said I could… could call."

"Yes."

"I… I'm being kicked out of my apartment and I have nowhere to go. I have nothing, James."

James struggled to find something to say at the sound of Michael's sobs.

"No. You have me."

"You don't even know me."

"I know enough. I know that you listened when I told you to call me if you needed anything. I'm here, Michael."

There was a painfully dry laugh on the other end, followed by a choked off sob.

"Can I come over? Please?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"I think it's a very good idea. You shouldn't be alone."

Michael's ragged, partial sobs sounded in James' ears.

"Please, Michael, if you're thinking what I think you are, don't. Please don't. Please."

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because someone should."

There was jaded sounding laugh in reply.

"I mean it. I've been there, Michael. Almost a year ago, I was there and I would have done it, too, but my sister stopped me. Gave me reason to not give up. Let me be that person for you."

James waited, holding his breathe and hoping that Michael would give him a chance. Michael's quiet okay was a wash of relief to James. Michael gave him his address and promised not to do anything before James arrived. Upon ending the call, James glanced back into the telescope long enough to watch Michael stand and go into his apartment. With the hope that Michael at least wouldn't be jumping off his balcony, James grabbed his coat and jogged as fast as he could to Michael's. He'd barely knocked on the door before Michael had opened it.

"Michael," James said.

He stepped into Michael's apartment, pulling Michael into a hug and kicking the door closed behind him. Michael clung to him, burying his face against James' shoulder.

"It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay. I'm here for you."

He continued to hold Michael and speaking to let Michael know he wasn't alone, wouldn't be alone.

A couple weeks later, James returned to the apartment to find Michael lounging on the couch.

"Hey, I picked up takeaway for lunch."

"Okay. Did you know the telescope on the balcony looks directly at my old balcony?"

"Uh- it does? Weird."

James walked into the kitchen and began preparing their lunch. Michael soon followed, leaning against the doorway.

"James."

"What?"

Michael just looked at him.

"It was an accident."

James looked at the counter, shoulders sagging in defeat.

"The first time."

"And how many times were there after that?"

"A couple."

"The day we met?"

"Completely an accident."

Michael nodded, walking over to stand on the opposite side of the counter.

"I swear that was. It was the third time I'd seen you and I'd never seen you smile. I just… I wanted to try to help."

"Because a man as handsome as me shouldn't look so sad?"

James winced at the reminder of his words. Michael chuckled.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You saved me, James."

James smiled at that, looking up at Michael who had moved closer to him and was smiling back.

"I just wanted to see you smile. I like seeing you smile."

"You've given me reasons to smile. I'm glad I met you."

"So, you don't think I'm a creep?"

"Not more than usual, no."

"Ha-ha."

Michael smiled at him, grabbing his plate of food and turning to head back to the living room.

"I mean it, Michael."

James grabbed his own plate and followed after him.

"It's fine, James. It's actually… kind of sweet."

"How is that sweet?"

"You cared enough to keep an eye on me. That's what you were doing, isn't it?"

James thought about it and nodded.

"Yeah."

"Then it's fine. You saved me. I don't really care about the details beyond that."

James smiled then because he couldn’t not when Michael was looking at him from his seat on the couch, great big grin on his face. That grin was because of him and he wouldn't take that back for the world. He sat down next to Michael, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table. Michael bumped his shoulder and turned on the television. James smiled again, knowing they'd be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for the FassAvoy Fortnightly #9 on the McFassy Comm. Title from the song 'It's Only Life' by Kate Voegele.


End file.
